Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and buy an accordion store.

Q: What's the range of an accordion?
A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q: Did you hear the joke about polka music?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the accordion player got hit by a car".


Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q:  If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a banjo off a 20-story building, which one lands first?
A:  Who cares?


Q: What's the first thing an accordion player says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
A: People cry when you chop up an onion.

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down a well without it touching the sides.


Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.


Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?
A: Hide it in an accordion case.



Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:
    Violinist: 25 feet
    Bad Violinist: 50 feet
    Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet
    15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet
    Accordionist: 60 miles


Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a YouTube channel.

Q: What do you call a Native-American girl who plays the accordion?

Q: Why does everyone hate an accordion without even hearing it?
A: Saves time.

Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?
A: Their personalities.

Q:  What is a bassoon good for?
A:  Kindling an accordion fire.

Q:  What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
A:  Ladies in Pain

Bumper sticker:  Play an accordion - go to jail!

Q: What's a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

Marriage is like playing the accordion. It looks easy until you try it.

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
A: The accordion takes longer to burn.

Q: What do you call a professional accordion player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on an accordion players arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What's an accordion good for?
A: Learning how to fold a map.


Q: What do you call twenty accordions at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.


Q: What does an accordion and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

A fellow leaves his accordion in his car and leaves it unlocked. He is two blocks away when he realizes this and runs back to lock his car. When he gets back to his car he finds three more accordions in it!

Music video of the accordion through time and space

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